Thursday, January 27, 2011

In a bit of a funk

Seriously, I don't know why I can't get it together lately. Well, no, that's not true either. I'm pregnant, I've been sick, and my toddler is running me ragged. There's just not enough of me left to write, which sucks, because writing is a big part of what keeps me together in the first place.

Don't get me wrong - good things are afoot here.

Acorn not only is now asking for food (by dragging us to the fridge so he can grab his milk) - yesterday my husband was taking too long, so he opened the fridge himself, grabbed the milk, closed the door, and went about his merry way. It's such a huge step for him to recognize hunger and then to find a solution.

Today is day three of preschool too. Day 2 (Tuesday) went well, since they basically gave him someone 1-on-1 to walk him through the day. Nurse sat back, and as long as he could look up and see her, he was great...until they started vacuuming. He cried today when I went to leave (and Goddess help me, I want to make my spouse do drop offs for the rest of the month after that), even though he was practically running to the room to play with things when we got there. I keep reminding myself it's a process, and that this transition is what he needs, and that reaction is why we're doing it now....but it still sucks.

Baby Leaf is hanging in there. Ze is right on schedule for my due date (which the OB agreed to move back to where it should have been, based on 2 ultrasounds that didn't match his date by over a week - funny how when you have really long cycles, they don't line up with the little wheel of doom due dates, huh?).  We go back to re-do our sequential scan on Monday morning, which is the same day I go to see MFM (maternal-fetal medicine, also known as the high risk guys).

It's really exciting to be able to see Leaf, and at this week's appointment, I got to hear zir heartbeat, rather than just seeing it, which about made me cry. It's still very hard to believe some days that there really is a baby in there.

(obligatory side note: I'm still not sure we're going to find out whether Leaf is a boy or a girl before birth, and if we do find out, I'm not sure we're going to tell. It's not likely we'll be having a baby shower, since the only thing we're really lacking is girl clothes if Leaf is a girl.)

My blood pressure is actually improving - at the endocrinologist this morning, it was NORMAL, which it hasn't been in about 2 months. Most of that time it's been borderline high, with occasional OMGWTFBBQ type numbers, particularly when I was vomiting 6 times a day and when I had a sinus infection with asthma flare-ups. This is promising, because that means my body is doing what it should - with Acorn, it never went below borderline, and started climbing at about 20 weeks. While we're only at 11 weeks now, it's still better than with Acorn.

I also didn't lose weight this week, which is a first. I didn't gain weight either, but I can live with that right now. I can see my belly starting to pop out, but I doubt anyone else would see it...except in this one pair of pants, which are cut kind of strangely to begin with. My maternity yoga pants aren't comfortable yet; my regular pants are not really comfortable or uncomfortable, so I'm still wearing normal clothes to work, and my plain old non-maternity yoga pants when I'm at home.

Anyway. That's about the size of it. It's good, really....I just don't really feel it this week. I'm easily overwhelmed, and frequently feel like the walls are closing in on me. I am looking forward to having Monday mostly to myself, even if it does involve going to the doctors. I've failed miserably at meditation lately, which usually helps in times like this, so I guess I need to figure out something else.