Thursday, August 18, 2011

Maybe I'm Just Strange

Some of you probably read that title and thought, "no, really? You're only now realizing that?"

Our news this week is that we have a tentative date for Acorn's decannulation: next Tuesday.

When mentioned to a friend, she said, "oh, I bet you're just so excited!"

But I'm not.

Really, it's just another procedure - and a minor and anticlimactic one at that, since we check into the PICU, take his trach out just like any other trach change (other than not putting a new one in) and hang out there for a couple of days to be sure no problems develop.

More than that though, I think my lack of enthusiasm is because the trach isn't the enemy, and never has been.

I know a lot of families who hate that their child has a trach. It's not what they had planned, and most kids with trachs have a slew of other issues to be dealt with at the same time (and believe me, Acorn has his fair share of those other issues). You can't go swimming with a trach, you're supposed to be careful not to get things in it, you have to know how to do CPR if it comes out, you have alarms going off all the time, and you're always worried in the back of your mind, what happens if something goes wrong.

For me, it was always just the thing we were going to do for Acorn to give him a better shot at a life outside of the hospital. The best option in a sea of bad options - the only option, really.

Oh, don't get me wrong, there are challenges. The zillion doctors appointments and follow up phone calls, the personalities and realities of having nursing at home, the equipment to lug around...but to some extent, I don't really feel like these are awful. They are, again, just part of the way things are.

And maybe it helps that we have always known that it wasn't forever. I don't know. I just know that I'm not nearly as ecstatic about this as some people seem to think I should be.

1 comment:

  1. That's how I feel about the feeding tube. I find it comforting in a sick, somewhat weird way. It's like...he can't eat, but at least I can feed him... I think you're doing great. I'd feel the same, I think. But it is really exciting for him! A whole new world will open up for him! xo