Sunday, July 31, 2011

I feel like we're the zoo attraction

I used up all of my dealing with people points today before my in-laws ever left the NICU, and then I had to deal with them through dinner....

Acorn is 37 months old. That means he left the NICU 28 months ago.

In that time, his grandparents have been out to see us for 3 birthday parties, and to help build his play structure. Other than that, we only see them on holidays. They visited about once a month when he was in the NICU - go to lunch with us, spend an hour or so staring at him, and then head home.

Yesterday they called, wanting to come visit today....because they want to visit Leaf. Their interactions with Acorn are spotty at best - they've forgotten what it's like to have a toddler or preschooler, I guess, because they want him to visit on their terms. Sit in their laps, read a story, and so on - things he doesn't do well, because he wants to be up and moving, but worse, things he won't do with them because he sees them so rarely.

It's a shame that Leaf appears to be the only reason they're visiting - like going to the zoo for the afternoon. Take the tour, stare at the child in her crib (behind bars even!), move on to the next attraction (Acorn), be amazed that he's got opinions and knows what he want (remember, folks, just because he can't talk doesn't mean there's anything wrong with his brain!), then dinner and home.

Wasn't that a nice day?


And guess what? In two weeks we get to do most of it again, when out of town family come to visit (spouse's uncle, with his wife-to-be - a former friend of his now ex-wife - and her two children...there's drama there that I don't want to be near with a 10 foot pole). We've already said we won't drive the hour out to the grandparents' house with Leaf in the hospital - if they want us at dinner they can pick someplace closer to us. What we haven't told them we also won't be letting them all into the NICU. I'm not letting someone else's kids back there - I don't know where they've been.


  1. Dude. When my BFF's baby was in the NICU, she didn't let *me* in - and I was supposed to have been her doula! (she was allowed a limited number of people, and put her priority quite naturally on family - and she didn't even put all of them on the list.)

    So. Um. yeah.

  2. Children aren't allowed in our NICU or at least my nephew wasn't allowed. Maybe siblings are allowed but I would just tell them only immediate family are allowed if you don't want them going in.

  3. Since this is our second NICU stay, they know the rules already, and they feel the rules shouldn't apply to them. Our NICU has a very liberal visiting policy during the summer (and the winter rules depend on the year) - whoever we let in is ok. My in-laws have, more than once, brought people with them and expected us to let them all back at the same time into our tiny room.