Thursday, March 3, 2011

stream of consciousness

If you could call this consciousness.....

I'm tired. So amazingly tired. I could take a day off and sleep, but that'd only fix things for the next few days, and we'd be right back here again.

I'm tired of being sick. Tired of sinus headaches.

Tired of snot.

Which, you know, is not going to be fixed by having another baby. But still. Not having to suction Acorn's trach, when his trach comes out, will be nice. He  appears to be over the sinus ick, but my husband was going back to the doctor again today, because a week of antibiotics haven't touched the color of his snot, and he still sounds like crap.

I think I'm having an existential crisis some days - I think I know what I want to be when I grow up, but I can't figure out how to get there from here, without losing important things like our house and our health insurance.

In case it isn't already obvious, health insurance is pretty darn important here.

Our nurses are driving me nuts. Lots of catty back-stabbing crap - I've almost sent people home in the last 2 weeks over drama that shouldn't be my problem. I sent an email to the nursing manager yesterday asking for some help with an across the board, "check your attitude at the door" warning; I don't want to fire anyone right now.

Have I mentioned that we have a plan for decannulation? This spring? probably within the next 8 weeks? No sense in trying to train a new nurse now.

It seems that the morning sickness is winding down somewhat, although the sinus headaches aren't helping. I'm at least eating normal long as it's spread out, a bit here and a bit there, every hour through the day.

Somewhat fittingly, or at least typical of this life of mine, my stream of thought was interrupted by an emergency phone call from home.

Acorn started vomiting, and then nearly passed out - he went sheet white, then gray, then sort of floppy, though he never lost consciousness.

The upshot (other than a dozen bouts of vomiting in less than a dozen hours) is that his throat still looks raw, but his ears are better, so the throat thing is likely viral...and some of the virus strains running around right now come with vomiting for little ones.

For all our work to get to no feeding tube...tonight I think we'll be glad we have it, because all he wants to drink is milk, and he cannot keep milk down thus far. In an hour or so I need to go give him a little bit of pedialyte and see how it goes.

I am desperately hoping for a sound nights' sleep for all of us.

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