Thursday, April 8, 2010

Anxiety in Spades

Some days, it occurs to me that Acorn comes by his anxiety naturally.

My mother's partner passed away earlier this week. I did not really know her. But my mother needs some support, and the likelihood of anyone else in our family going to the funeral is slim to none, so I feel like I need to go.

I don't like leaving my kiddo behind. The one trip I've taken for work was downright traumatic on that front, and this one involves a weekend - and I often feel like that's the only time I get with Acorn.

I don't like last minute things like this - I found out yesterday afternoon, and I have a flight out of here at 9 am tomorrow. I always feel like being rushed is going to result in something being forgotten or lost or otherwise screwed up.

And finally, I really struggle with anxiety when it comes to groups of people I don't know. As far as I can tell, I'm driving from the airport, an hour and a half into the middle of nowhere, and attending a gathering of people I don't know, in honor of someone else I didn't know. I know that to some extent, I will be put on display as my mother's daughter, the one with the sick kid, and I really just hate that.

I dunno. I'm kind of hoping for a relatively quiet weekend with some down time to meditate and write. But knowing my own anxiety, the situation, and my mother, I'm guessing that's a long shot.

1 comment:

  1. I wish you luck hun; it sounds like a difficult one, but I'm sure your mom will appreciate it very much. You are very nice to go and offer your mom support, even if you didn't know her partner.