I've been terrible at writing lately. Mostly, it's because everything here is chaos...and part of the chaos right now includes a barely functioning computer.
Thing is, I need to write. Need to process everything that's gone on recently. Need to let the tears flow that I've been holding back for weeks - and that is such an overwhelming idea that I don't even know where to start.
So I guess let's start with right now.
Miss Leaf will be 2 weeks old tomorrow. She's doing well. She's getting some breastmilk, and doing a lot of normal baby things (pee, poop, cry, sleep), she just does them in a plastic box, with lots of tubes taped to her face.
I'm finally home - a week as of tomorrow. Physically, I'm easily worn out, but haven't really even taken much ibuprofen in the last 5 or 6 days, because it's not an issue of pain. I'm spending a lot of time with my breastpump (it's a love-hate relationship....mostly hate, though). Pumping is going ok; I'm desperately hoping that we can start actual breastfeeding in a couple of weeks though, because pumping did not work out so well with Acorn.
Emotionally....well, the "post partum adjustment" social worker did tell me that it was normal to be extra emotional the first 3 weeks or so post partum, and we've definitely hit that extra emotional patch.
It doesn't help that a friend passed away last week from a complication of childbirth.
Anyway. It's time for sleep, so I give up for now.
Lots of hugs and love to you. I am glad to see you writing and walking through life despite the incredible chaos. You are so wonderful and I am thinking of you daily.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It is hard living in chaos (especially if you have a tidy soul like mine). Sending you lots of hugs and hope Miss Leaf is strong enough for breastfeeding soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd the hits just keep on coming, huh! Having pumped for 2 preemies, I hear you on the love/hate relationship. I'm not looking forward to doing it again, but since this little guy will have to be in the NICU no matter what, I know it's coming whether I like it or not.
ReplyDeleteYay for 2 weeks! I know there's still more time to go, but every day is one day closer to going home. One more day to get a little fatter, a little stronger, and a little more ready to meet the world.
Take care of yourself. I know you're aware that post-partum depression risk is worse with moms of preemies, and during NICU stays. I know you're aware that you're still physically recovering from a difficult pregnancy and a delivery. But I'm a nurse, and a virtual friend, so I have to say it anyway.
Many hugs to you as well as prayers, good thoughts, and healing energy.
It has been a rough few weeks. The loss of our friend has hit so hard while the birth of her son was so wonderful for her family. HUGS to you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It is hard living in chaos (especially if you have a tidy soul like mine). Sending you lots of hugs and hope Miss Leaf is strong enough for breastfeeding soon.
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